A little something I wrote a few years ago

Sitting at the edge of her bed she stares out into the night, waiting
The dim light of the summer’s moon casting shadows around her room
The rustling of his clothes is the only sound she hears as he enters her room
Gliding across the floor he takes her by the hand and leads her to the window
He holds her close from behind, brushing her long black hair away
Exposing her slender neck, it is open and inviting to him

With just his finger tips he caresses her cheek, following the line down to her neck
She leans back into him
And as she sighs her breasts swell up slightly
He can see her nipples growing taunt against the flimsy fabric of her night gown
Licking his lips he pulls her head back and claims her lips
The taste of her sweetness exciting him

She turns to him, but cannot see his face
The shadow of darkness shrouds him, all but the golden glow of his eyes
She leans back against the glass and the soft glow of moonlight casts a soft angelic aura around her
Her eyes beckon him to taste her again
Her lips call to him
Her breasts swollen with need of him to touch them
Her hips sway slightly towards him with a promise to fulfill

With a growl he crushes his lips against hers
Feeding off the sweet nectar, holding her face to his
He sweeps her into his arms and carries her back to the bed
He tosses her onto the pillow top
She looks up at him, her mouth moist and bruised from his kiss
Her long black hair spread out around her like a cascade of dark water

He rips the front of her gown open, exposing her pale soft flesh
Drinking in the site of her laid out before him he can feel his need growing pushing to be released
She arches her back presenting herself , gifting herself to him
He crawls up on top of her, his weight crushing her delicate body
He prods her legs open with his and presses his knee against her wet center
Her head off to the side, her mouth opens in a silent moan, her eyelashes shielding the lust in her eyes she rides his leather clad leg, unashamed of her need for him

He pulls off his shirt, his smooth dark skin laid against hers
He slides his hand underneath her head cradling her to him,
His lips finding her neck once more nipping and tasting her wanton flesh

She caresses his back, tracing the tattoo he wears, without looking she knows every line of the wings that once were real now marked upon his flesh for all eternity
Her dark lord, her fallen angel, he comes for her every night,  a slave to her flesh

She feels his teeth on her her breast, and she arches her back up to him
Needing more of him
Craving more of him
Her head bowed she kisses his neck, tracing his shoulder with her tongue
She whispers his name softly in his ear, and cries out as he bites down just a little harder on her tender nipple
She kisses his neck once more, her tongue slowly circling that most tender spot  under just under his jawline
And with a sudden flick of her head she sinks her teeth into him, drinking him in, holding him tight against her
And as she drinks him in, still riding his leg
Her eyes snap open, turning a dark crimson red as her ecstacy rises to its peak

As his body lays still she holds him tightly to her
Her lips release her hold on him and she sighs once more
Sated and secured beneath her lovers arms

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I let you in

I let you in
Not knowing what would happen
Not realizing you would steal my heart from me

I let you in
Needing you completely
Lost in your arms
Filling me with a need I once forgot

I let you in
And when I did I let myself go
Trusting in you
Setting myself free

I let you in
And I came alive
In your arms and beneath your kisses
I became a woman filled with desire and need

I let you in
And chained my heart to you
Branding my soul with your touch
It burned a fire so bright
It blinded me to what was right in front of me

I let you in
And you stole my heart
And you left me here in the dark
Alone and hollow
Filled with an ache and need
No one else could fill

I let you in
And here I lay
With one last breath
I close my eyes to the darkness around me
Losing my soul to the pain of my loss
Unable to bear the emptiness

I let you in
With no regrets
Just left with the memories of what was
And the fading dreams of what could have been

I let you in
And lost myself
In silly dreams I sold myself
You took what I gave so willingly
Never seeing the truth
That was so plain to see

I let you in and now here I am left here alone

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I stand there in front of you

My body trembling and aching

Afraid of what’s happening to me

Waiting for you

My eyes cannot leave your face

I watch as your eyes caress my body

I yearn for it to be your hands

Anything to quench the fire that is building in me

You step forward

So close I can feel my lashes flutter against your cheek

Your scent enthralls me

Surrounding me, overwhelming all my senses

You step behind me now and my pulse quickens

Leaning forward you whisper in to my ear

“Say my name”

I open my mouth to speak


“Say my name” you whisper again to me

Again I try but I cannot speak

My breaths coming quicker, I begin to shake

“Say my name” you growl this time “give yourself to me, and say my name”

I’m frozen unable to turn, unable to breathe as I try and force myself to say your name

I feel the weight of the darkness closing in on me

Suffocating me

I wake up screaming your name but it’s too late



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adult alone anxious black and white

Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

I feel lost
Alone and empty
The pain of the loss is too great some days
I don’t know how to breathe
Forcing myself to make it from one moment to another
I reach for you and imagine you are here
That I can hear your voice whispering in my ear
I imagine your arms around me as you sing me to sleep
And I hurt that much more
Knowing what can never be
The loss is too great to bear
And I often crumble beneath it
I pretend to be strong
Yet I feel like I’m dying inside
The void grows within me
Taking more of me as it does
What will be left of the girl you once knew
The woman you claimed to have loved
Was it all a lie
It must have been
Because you are still not here to hold me when I cry
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Pieces of a dream I had….

I don’t know what any of it means, if it’s meant to mean anything at all, I just remember waking up with a start.  I jotted down notes quickly, I don’t remember it all this is all I do, but I do remember the desperation and fear I had in the dream the anxiety that gripped me once I was awake…..

A piece of a dream…

He’s back and he’s angry I pretend to be happy to see him. I know to keep from being beaten I have to throw myself at him. I reach for him as far as I’m allowed ( I’m tethered by a chain around my ankle) I pull him too me kissing him feverishly hoping to convince him that I want him.  I’m shaking with fear and praying my message has gone out in time.  The other one glances at me and lowers his head knowing my shame in what I have to do to keep from being beaten or thrown out to others to be used or worse.  I run my fingers threw his hair molding my body to his, acting wanton and he approves. A part of me dies inside but I don’t stop knowing full well I may have to sleep with him to stay alive.  Then it’s time, they collect me from him, each of us with our own transport our own guard who sneers at me knowing I am nothing more than a whore for them.  I look into the window that leads to the doorway hoping that my mom got my message telling her where I am that I will be saved before they move again and I am lost forever.  I see commotion and then the uniform as they run towards me and I pray it’s not too late.  That I am saved but I hear the bomb ready to blow and I run from my salvation and hide on the upper platform as the explosion rocks us.  The police come grabbing those of us who where taken and I wonder if I am really safe if they knew I was taken and that I was coming home.  I look down at my hands and legs and I see the injuries inflicted on me and know there is no hiding what happened to me

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I think my sister hates me Part 6

So this may be the last post about my older sister and our “relationship” or lack of.  Before summer began my OS (older sister) started distancing herself from us again.  She did not come for Easter dinner, and when we reached out to make plans to take our father out to dinner for Father’s Day she claimed she couldn’t come because she had plans.  Seriously on Father’s Day?  It was simply she did not want to be with us.  Again I could understand if we were assholes to her but we weren’t, we were reaching out, trying to make plans, she had switched jobs again (probably got fired from the last one but didn’t want to admit it) and always encouraging her.  But she was essentially icing us out.  Not just in not speaking with us but also blocking us from seeing her social media.

My birthday came and all I got was a 30 second snap chat birthday wish.  I finally got a hold of her in July and chatted a bit, or should I say texted.  I told her I was going to plan another BBQ at my house in Sept so it was cooler and she immediately tells me that she has a lot of plans coming up, so I told her ok next month I’ll text you and you tell me what weekend works that’s the weekend I’ll pick, she said great.  Very accommodating right?  Wrong.  I text her mid August to let her know I was planning the BBQ and I get a message that says she has a lot of events coming up and she’ll be busy.  So I text her back, events have dates which date do you have open so I can plan it and you can come.  I get a nasty text back telling me that she told me that she was busy and had a lot of things coming up to plan it without her.  So I text her back “ok lol with a thumbs up emoji”.  Pretty much letting her know I know she’s full of shit.

My dad isn’t happy but what can we do, we can’t change her and I’m not kissing her ass or chasing her anymore.  He kept asking me to reach out to her tell her we need to talk, I shut him down.  I hate doing that and I ended up on the phone with my younger sister (YS) crying because I know he was hurt and I was disappointing him.  But I’m done being her punching bag, neither one of them know how bad it was for me as a kid growing up with her, nor when I was older still living at home.  I know trying to speak with her would end up in a fight because she can never accept her part in anything.  I told my father I’m done, that I am completely ok with her no longer being in my life and at that moment I felt a weight come off my back.

My brother and sister in law came up a couple of weeks before the BBQ and even she asked me about my OS wondering what her problem was.  They had recently purchased a home to be built and we were all gushing over it and congratulating them over text and she sent one text congrats.  Everyone sees it, my dad does too and he gets why we are all done, but it still hurts him.

So her birthday comes a week and half before the BBQ, I send her a text saying happy birthday, that’s it.  She responds thanks! And that was the last time we communicated.  I did find out however how she flipped out because I changed my password to Netflix.  My YS asked me if she was still using it, and she has balls if she is.  I check the account and sure as shit, she’s on it from Friday to Sunday all night long.  She doesn’t pay for it and on top of it is treating me as if I’m a problem yet she can enjoy my Netflix for free.  Well I changed it and my father told my YS she called him bitching that she was done with me, lol.  Thankfully my father knew better than to give her my new password.  Really you’re done with me because you won’t be bothered with us, but you want Netflix for free? Get a grip girl.

Now the holidays are coming and my younger sister does not want her coming to her house.  I don’t blame her, she’s a buzz kill and an attention whore.  She buys us gifts we know are under $15 and acts like she got us the greatest thing ever.  Look I’m not about the dollar amount at all, for me it’s the thought but we know that it’s a blatant “Fuck You you’re not worth anything” to us.  And it’s not like she can’t afford anything as she buys high end makeup, shoes and bags.  It’s the day before Christmas Eve shopping we get.  I’m actually looking forward to relaxing this holiday season without having to worry about upsetting her and causing a fight and ruining the day for my dad.

I’ve always said family can be the best thing for you and yet they are the ones that can hurt you the most.  My YS went to a psychic a couple of months ago, he’s actually the real deal, and he brought her up saying she’s pulling herself out of the family that there is a real likely hood we will not see her again for years.  Sad to say but we were both happy about that.  She can keep my cousin, who also has alienated a lot of family, and is cheating on his husband that bought a house on the opposite side of the state of Florida and stays there.  Winners I tell ya.

So for now this may be the last post about her hopefully.

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Found this untitled bit of a story line I was playing around with

She was shivering, but not from the cold but the heat emanating from her skin.  She felt like she was on fire.  Whatever it was that creature stung her with was taking over her body, She fought hard, against the heat that first built between her legs and now coursed through her limbs.  She should have known better than going to the club on her own, but she had been so tired of being couped up she needed to get out and now she was paying the price.

Sydney leaned back against the wall in the alley way clenching her teeth to keep them from clattering, she didn’t want him to hear her.  The man/creature had made a move on her, crudely suggesting all the ways he could pleasure her.  If Sydney had been any other girl she might have, but she wasn’t and even though she had become intrigued with the coming out of the Faes and Unseelies that have become a part of the norm, she wasn’t easy.  She should have ran for help the minute she felt the prick on her arm, she thought it was someone’s nail or outfit that poked her.  But she had been wrong, deadly wrong.  And now she was going to pay the price.

This thing, this Unseelie wasn’t happy that Sydney could see it’s true face.  They usually hid their true selves in order to mix amongst the humans.  She’s seen the anger in his eyes when she couldn’t hide the revulsion as it smiled at her, suggestively hinting they move to a back room.  It’s mottled grey skin peppered with yellow pus pockets, it’s mouth filled with what looked like hundreds of razor sharp teeth that emitted a smell of death as it spoke.  She couldn’t understand why anyone would sleep would such a creature, yet there were plenty that did.  Those girls didn’t see what Sydney saw, they saw ruggedly handsome men, with dazzling smiles and smelled like sex on two legs.  She had always been different for as long as she could remember, her mother had warned her of hiding her ability to see through their dark magic, because they did not like to be known or seen for what they truly were.

Sydney waited what felt like forever till she finally moved from her hiding spot in the alleyway.  Still shaking uncontrollably, she could barely walk.  Her head felt like she was swimming underwater and she was drowning in it.  It wasn’t until she bumped into him, that her body started to convulse in painful spasms, and she blacked out.


Waking up to a world of pain Sydney cried out, but not just from the pain that was gaining in intensity but from fear the Unseelie had found her.  She tried to stand but was only able to barely sit up before another wave of heat and pain shot through her body.

“Lay back down before you fall” came a voice from the far end of the room.

Sydney looked up slowly to see who the voice belonged to, “Who are you?  What did you do to me?”  she groaned.

She watched as a dark form of a man on a couch across from her stood up and made his way over to her, she tried to move back but even just breathing was becoming too painful for her,

“Do you not remember bumping into me outside?”  he asked.  “You passed out as you ran into me.  I didn’t have the heart to leave you alone with what is wandering around the streets at night, and most certainly not in your condition.”

Sydney bit her lip as another wave of heat and pain ran through her, trying to do all she could from screaming at this point.  “What’s happening to me?” she looked up at the strangers face, feeling helpless and afraid.

“Unseelie is what happened.  How did you manage to piss one off?”

“I rejected him or it”  she replied,

“Wait!” Sydney gasped, “How did you know what it is? That thing!!”

The tall stranger finally stepped into view, taking Sydney’s breath away.  He was tall with jet black hair and shimmering golden eyes.  His skin was as pale as the moonlight yet had a glow about him.  His full lips formed pulled into a smirk when he saw the recognition in her face as he came into view.

She tried to speak again when another painful heat wave tore through her, doubling her over nearly falling off the hard stone counter she had been laying on.  With one quick step he caught her before she fell off, preventing any more pain than she was already going through.  He slowly laid her back and pressed a damp cloth to her skin. She was shaking uncontrollably again, and she felt helpless and scared.  She felt as if death was right around the corner, and it really was.

“Your skin is like ice” her tall dark stranger said as he held her shoulders down to keep her from falling off as her body continued to convulse.

“I…I…I…feel like I’m on fire, ” Sydney stuttered out.


“What?!”  Sydney cried out. “What’s happening to me?”

“That creature, the unseelie, he must have pricked you with one of his nails.”

“I…I…feeelllt something in the club”

He just shook his head looking down at her, the pity in his eyes told her she was in trouble, deep trouble.

“What did he do to me?” Sydney asked on the verge of tears.

“You denied him, and he wasn’t going to let that pass.  You saw him for what he truly is, did you not”

Sydney could only shake her head in agreement, unable to speak as the pain took over again.

“They have a toxin with only one way to keep it at bay, for a time”

“Is there a medicine,” she asked between breaths, “An antidote?”

He solomnly nodded, “Yes”

“Well where can I get it? i don’t think I can take much more”

“The only thing that keeps the pain at bay is sex.”

Sydney’s eyes opened wide at his admission, “You’re kidding right?”

“No, I’m afraid not.” the dark haired stranger said, “They do this to make the females insatiable.  They use them until they are bored, passing her around, until there is nothing left and then leave her to die.  It’s not a pretty death either.”

Sydney couldn’t take much more, she turned her back to him and began to sob.  She couldn’t believe that this was happening to her, nor that her life would be over soon, painfully soon.  She could do nothing else but cry herself to sleep.

Darien stood there watching her, her skin twitching from the pain even though she had passed out again.  From shock, from the pain.  Probably both.  But there was little he could do for her, except keep her from the humiliation of being used painfully until she was left to subcumb to the pain and the heat that would eat her from the inside out.

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