Things have quieted down and he’s been busy getting himself ready to move. I spent all day Saturday at my sister’s doing some retail shopping. I went and bought myself a happy divorce gift to me. Well I bought a little more than that but holy hot feet I treated myself to a pair of Christian Louboutin’s. Yes, yes I did lol. What felt even better about it was that I bought them for me. Me myself and I!
It’s been so long since since I’ve walked in heels, the salesman said I was a pro but I’ll practice some before the dinner cruise. I also bought a few blouses, one a silk kimono top that I may wear that night. Just like taking my trip last month and doing it all on my own, it just feels more and more like a new and stronger me. I’m still working on myself emotionally and making sure I keep my head straight. I’m doing my best to prioritize myself and not stretch myself thin. I’m keeping my circle small and tight, I’m always putting myself out for people who take what they can and run. It’s not that I look for people to do a tit for tat, but there have been those who take and take them take some more without caring how I was falling apart.
So on to the first word of my post, protected. We went to see our friend Jim at the hospital, he’s back in for round two of his chemo and it was his birthday, I thought it would be best if we went together to see him as they are very close and right now it’s about Jim and nothing else. He runs off to the bathroom, and Jim and Barb both ask me if I’m ok. I tell them yes but then he leans in and asks, are you ok? And I realize then that Kathy told them he came after me and threatened me again. Jim tells me that he had a talk with him and if does or says anything to call him and he’ll handle it. I told him he’s been quiet and behaving, and if he tries anything I’m calling the police. He came back into the room and we dropped it. We stayed for a bit, had cake for his birthday and left. My other girlfriend Kathy asked him when is moving and he told her August 6th. He took me to dinner, yeah shocking cause he never does anything nice or spend money on me, we had a nice time. We came home and he went to his room and I settled into the living room for the night.
Things have been quiet and he’s been nice; and then last night I find out why. Jim called me to check on me, he had just gotten home from his stint at the hospital and he asked me how I was doing and if everything was alright. I told him yes and not to worry, but he knows him too well. It’s why he took his gun from him after I hit him with the divorce. The same gun he woke me up with at 3 am a few years ago threatening to shoot me with for stealing his pills that fell behind his drawer. Jim told me they had a very long talk, he told him to get it through his head that it’s all in his head, that I did not and would not touch his bikes. Apparently when he came home the first time after his first chemo treatment the ex ran over there looking for pain meds. Jim told him he didn’t have any and he wasn’t getting him any. He laid down the law that if does that again he’s done with him. Jim told me he loves him but he’s ended friendships for less. Him blaming me for taking his pills when he’ll eat 6 at a time is all him. From the gist of the conversation Jim not only put him in his place and told him the truth about himself but made it very clear he will beat him if he threatens me or lays a hand on me again.
To say I was beyond moved is an understatement. I didn’t tell Jim and Barb because they have enough to handle with his chemo treatments, he’s fighting for his life and I don’t want them focusing on anything but him and staying alive. But Kathy told Barb and Barb told Jim. They all know what he’s capable of and right now he doesn’t have anything to lose which makes him dangerous to me. For Jim to call me right after getting home, for stepping in to straighten him out and lay down the law and what’s expected of him till he leaves, no one has ever done that. I’ve never had anyone stand up for me, step up to actually protect me. It made me emotional but in a good way. I’ve had people say that if anything happened they would but I’m always left on my own to face off with him. Knowing I’m risking myself to protect myself. I will be forever grateful for that, in a way I also feel validated in my reason why I’m divorcing him. Because it’s not just the fighting but they truly see the abuse I’ve been put through and how it’s happened for years.
I count myself blessed to have the core friends that I do have. Between them and my sister as my cheerleaders, I know I can get through this. I’m looking forward to the life that’s coming ahead and while I’m nervous I know I can do this. It just feels good to know I’m not alone. Even if they are not always physically by my side they are here for me.