I believe I left off the whole friend/costume gate saga with K making her own attempt at an olive branch without addressing the costume fight, by suggesting a tattoo for the 3 of us. She had booked the tattoo parlor and we went this past Monday night. The design changed literally seconds before we walked in the door. I would have preferred the simple heart design on my wrist but we agreed to flip a coin and the second design came up. So we went with it. It’s a symbol that stands for unconditional love, it’s for us because we do love each other like sisters not just as friends. We stand by each other through thick and thin, good example was K’s meltdown over Halloween. We all did our left wrists as per my suggestion and it was quickly done and off to dinner and drinks.
The symbolism is not lost on me especially the placement. Many many years ago, after a big fight with my ex, he had completely degraded me and what I know now as gaslighting me, I was in so much pain I took a pairing knife and cut my wrist. I made several slices, I didn’t do it to kill myself, but more to cause myself physical pain because the emotional and mental pain too much to bear. I should have left then, little did I realize how broken down I really was by him. It’s no secret I am learning to put myself first and love myself. To accept myself for who I am and stop putting others before my own welfare. I’ve been wanting a tattoo to cover my scars, unfortunately lightening cream has not helped and the way I was stitched up (37 stitches in total) left my wrist a little warped.
So the symbol the 3 of us now have for unconditional love for each other, has a double meaning for me. I am learning to have unconditional love for myself. I will admit I do struggle at times to look at it, because of my scars, but it’s a reminder that I have to love myself first, that I need to learn self acceptance. That I am not perfect, and no matter how lonely I may feel that I love me first. I’m planning on my 4th tattoo that will be above it, which will be my boy’s face. I love the micro tattoo’s done by Dr Woo in the city, he does the best French Bulldog faces, but to get one will cost me $700 and that’s for a 2 inch tattoo, and then this tattoo will take on even more meaning, the unconditional love my dog gives me and the unconditional love I give him back. Even though it’s on my wrist, I’m not really showing it off, the memory of my own self harming and the scars is not something I want people to see or judge me on. But it is a simple and clean tattoo, very me. I look forward to continuing to grow and keep moving forward in my life, and when I digress I will look at my wrist and see how far I’ve come.
The Quiet Storm 